What situations make you most nervous? Most confident?

The title is the prompt. It comes from the Kaizen Journaling website.

The answer to both questions is the same -- speaking in public. Admittedly, it is a strange answer for a pastor. A pastor's ministry consists largely of speaking words appropriate to the occasion. Words are the raw material with which a pastor works every day. The occasions are numerous and various: visiting a new family in town, comforting a grieving spouse, answering a question at a committee meeting, praying at a civic gathering, preaching on Sunday morning. By and large, words are all we have with which to persuade, challenge, comfort, teach or inspire other people. Yet, as a  pastor, speaking in public is the occasion which makes me feel both most nervous and most confident.

Perhaps some examples would be helpful.

* In high school, before my pastoring days, my speech class traveled to Duke University for a competition. Without consultation, the teacher entered me in the Extemporaneous Speaking event. What a mistake! I was as nervous as a cat in a thunderstorm.

* In one of my early local church appointments I developed an anxiety about making the announcements on Sunday mornings. It was serious enough that I called the Lay Leader, who was also a good friend, for a cup of coffee. He offered to do the announcements, but I declined and eventually grew into the responsibility.

* Confidence in preaching was mostly a matter of experience. In the beginning I was nervous because I wasn't very good. Practice didn't make perfect, but it did make the preaching better and that increased my confidence. I also had a couple of insights. For one thing, as a preacher, I "grow on" people. One sermon might be disappointing, but, over a period of time, the sermons were effective and appreciated. That realization instilled confidence.

Secondly, an important awareness: If the congregation trusts you, knows that you care about them and will be there for them -- if you have integrity and compassion -- they are far more responsive to your preaching.

* Finally, I am an introvert in an environment which has extroverted expectations. As an introvert, anxiety in public speaking is a default response. In order to be effective as a pastor, however, I learned to function as an extrovert when necessary. By nature I am quiet in small group gatherings. Through experience, I learned to speak up and make my contribution. There were occasions, in fact, when I wish that I had shut up before I did. On balance, however, I accepted my introverted personality, but on occasion functioned in other ways, to the extent that I was able.

Strange, but true for most of my adult life: the situations which have made me most nervous and most confident have been occasions of public speaking.