The thoughts that circle your bed at night

Prompt source: A Writer's Book of Days, Judy Reeves

Sometime during the past year, the predominant thought that began coming to me at night was about death. I am not morbidly preoccupied, and the subject doesn't visit me every night, but on occasion reality strikes home: I am going to die. It could be at any time, or on any given day I could receive news of imminent or approaching death.

The  thought creates anxiety. I am not ashamed to say that it scares me. Christian though I claim to  be, a believer in resurrection through Christ, the conqueror of death, yet in my gut the thought of "not being" as I am now is frightening. Yes, beyond death is a life more glorious, beautiful, and joyous than the one I cling to today. Yes, death is but for a moment while life is uninterrupted and unending. But the thought of leaving the familiar in its many beloved forms is most disturbing.

I admit that none of this became a nightly concern until I turned 65. I am now 66. It sounds old, though objectively it is certainly not aged. With my bad back, I consider myself an old 66. Does that sound less frantic? But I do not become frantic or truly panicked at night, just anxious, apprehensive. After some time - more than minutes , less than an hour - I fall asleep until the new day which God graciously gives me.

And you - what are the thoughts that circle your bed at night?