Monday, October 7, 2013

I had filed for divorce twice.

The prompt: Tell us  about a time when everything was going wrong - and then, suddenly, you knew it would be alright.
From: The Daily Post @ Wordpress.com

I had filed for divorce twice. The second time I moved into an apartment, signing a year's lease. For a year my attorney tried to get my wife's attorney to negotiate a settlement, with no success.  My wife often spoke of her desire to stay married and live apart. To me that arrangement seemed the worst of all possible worlds.

My wife's psychosis manifested itself in a variety of ways, creating immense stress. Some nights she would call two dozen times. She did not trust me to be honest and fair when dealing with our finances. The situation was spiraling out of control.

One day she proposed reconciliation -- I move back in and we resume our marriage after living apart for over a year. I knew that nothing fundamental had changed: she had not resumed taking her psych meds, which left a range of issues unresolved.

Our daughter challenged me: "Are you willing to move back, knowing that nothing has changed or is likely to change?"

I answered with a shaky 'yes.' Only today, almost two months after returning, did I gain the conviction that "it would be alright." Even when it is not alright, it will be alright.

Perhaps I was given that conviction because of a pleasant trip to Jackson together this morning. We actually enjoyed ourselves. I have no illusions about "nothing but blue skies," but I believe there is commitment and resilience on both sides to sustain us.

4 comments:

  1. Perhaps in a different way, John, I'd say posting this took courage not unlike what it was for you to reconcile ~ may your decision be blessed, and again.

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    1. Carolyn, I did feel a bit of trepidation. Thanks for your concern.
      John

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  2. John,
    I admire your courage and determination to make your marriage work. Too many couples give up too easily.

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    1. Doctor J - Thanks for the encouragement.
      John

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